2020- A Year Of Self-Reflection During The Pandemic

BY ANURAG PAUL

The Year 2020 may seem different for many of us but it was a year of self-reflection for me. I had no idea what was going to happen the subsequent day. My mind was constantly having thoughts like- Will I have my financial security the next month? What will happen to the economy in the COVID-19 crisis? Will I have enough resources to do the things I want to do with my life?

With so many months of staying at home during the COVID-19 pandemic, I had become a little more sensitive than usual. I was quick to point out everything wrong in the world. I was inclined to jump on every mistake, feeling duty-bound to remind people what didn't work and why they didn't work. I had become overly picky about everything.

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Things started falling apart in my life—physically, emotionally, relationally, and in every other way despite being aware of the fact that we will unquestionably face problems, difficulties, stress, and trouble in our lifetime.

My friends and family members were constantly reminding me to stay physically fit and take care of my mental health. Apart from me didn't want to be the strongest, fastest, or healthiest as my life had slowed down quite subtly.

It was easy to get distracted by the constant stream of social media content that was coming my way. I knew that change requires making the right choices. Just having a dream or desire for change was not enough. I had to make a decision and choose to change myself.

I just kept working on it and recognized that the inner trouble I was facing was an opportunity to grow in conviction. I told myself that I don't need to know what the future holds. I started calling my friends to whom I had not talked for years. One of my friends organized a virtual call in which a majority of my college friends joined allowing us to share our burdens.

I was reminded that I was stuck in the middle, and I was going down because I haven't let go of old patterns and old ways of thinking. I had to let go of my old ways as we always get back more—positive or negative—of what we put out in our individual life.

Moving into 2021, I am confident that amid everything I am going through — the challenges, the isolation, the longing to have the pandemic subside, I have to trust in all the goodness around which replaces all fears with peace.

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I don't know about others, but I am a pretty big dreamer. So I dream big about my relationships and career & am hopeful that my faith can turn my dreams into reality. I have to keep going and don't allow any failure to be final in my life.